“I message” vs. “you messages”

Oftentimes it is essential for us to share our concerns about a situation or another person.  A failure to carefully our words, can sometimes result in a gross misunderstanding…..

YOU MESSAGE:  “You’re giving me a headache, turn that down!”

I MESSAGE: “I don’t like all this noise since I’m trying to sleep, can you turn down the volume.”

“YOU Messages”….


You messages communicate implicit messages of blame and fault attribution.  The cause is the other person.  Your goal in using the “YOU Message” is to communicate this fact clearly.  As a result, the listener becomes defensive.  Additionally, the recipient often feels “YOU Messages” as unnecessarily harsh.   For this reason, often create communication roadblocks.

“I Messages”…


In contrast, when using I messages your goal is to focus on feelings and behavior.  You’re starting off with a desire to open up communication, by telling the listener how you feel.  This can then lead to a request for a behavioral change and/or remedy to address our feelings.  In this respect, they tend to yield a more positive response and feel more honest and kind….

How To Create an I Message:



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