“I message” vs. “you messages”

Oftentimes it is essential for us to share our concerns about a situation or another person.  A failure to carefully our words, can sometimes result in a gross misunderstanding…..

YOU MESSAGE:  “You’re giving me a headache, turn that down!”

I MESSAGE: “I don’t like all this noise since I’m trying to sleep, can you turn down the volume.”

“YOU Messages”….

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You messages communicate implicit messages of blame and fault attribution.  The cause is the other person.  Your goal in using the “YOU Message” is to communicate this fact clearly.  As a result, the listener becomes defensive.  Additionally, the recipient often feels “YOU Messages” as unnecessarily harsh.   For this reason, often create communication roadblocks.

“I Messages”…

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In contrast, when using I messages your goal is to focus on feelings and behavior.  You’re starting off with a desire to open up communication, by telling the listener how you feel.  This can then lead to a request for a behavioral change and/or remedy to address our feelings.  In this respect, they tend to yield a more positive response and feel more honest and kind….

How To Create an I Message:

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