In the aftermath of the “it years”, my family and I have had to work hard to recover from the experience. I was hurting, they were too. As years past, we put the experience behind us and moved forward….
….Many years later, as a happily married woman I re-entered therapy. I was considering a return to school to switch careers. My youngest was in 1st grade and I finally had some time to myself. As a result of therapy, I’ve struggled with blame, resentment, shame & guilt. Since I just completed putting together material in this subject matter for a group therapy session, I thought I’d post briefly a pic of an old letter from my father. It was written to us after I left for NYC. Refusing to leave this bad relationship I felt a strange & inexplicable compulsion to follow him wherever he went. I hated what he did, realized this was wrong but this didn’t hit matter…..
My emotional reaction to this letter today is mixed. I regret what happened. I feel bad I hurt my family. However, a bit of resentment lingers within. When I read my fathers words I feel frustrated for how my parents weren’t available emotionally in the years leading up to this relationship. Had they been aware of how sad, depressed & suicidal I was, maybe they could have done something. Maybe, I wouldn’t have been so fucked in the head when meeting him years later….