Collateral Damage….

In the aftermath of the “it years”, my family and I have had to work hard to recover from the experience.  I was hurting, they were too.  As years past, we put the experience behind us and moved forward….

….Many years later, as a happily married woman I re-entered therapy. I was considering a return to school to switch careers.  My youngest was in 1st grade and I finally had some time to myself.  As a result of therapy, I’ve struggled with blame, resentment, shame & guilt.  Since I just completed putting together material in this subject matter for a group therapy session, I thought I’d post briefly a pic of an old letter from my father.  It was written to us after I left for NYC.  Refusing to leave this bad relationship I felt a strange & inexplicable compulsion to follow him wherever he went.  I hated what he did, realized this was wrong but this didn’t hit matter…..

if you wish to read the backstory behind this letter, click here.

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My emotional reaction to this letter today is mixed.  I regret what happened.  I feel bad I hurt my family.  However, a bit of resentment lingers within.  When I read my fathers words I feel frustrated for how my parents weren’t available emotionally in the years leading up to this relationship.  Had they been aware of how sad, depressed & suicidal I was, maybe they could have done something.  Maybe, I wouldn’t have been so fucked in the head when meeting him years later….

The “what-it’s” are endless and forgiveness is an ongoing effort…

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