Since graduating & starting a new career, I’m entering a new phase in life…
As a full-time working mother & graduate student, I had many things on my plate. I had to par down my life & focus only on the most critical elements. Self-care came first. At the time, this meant getting enough sleep & learning to manage my stress. Family time, came a close second on my list of priorities. As a mother of two boys (11 & 17), I am aware that in just about 7 years time, I’m looking at being an “empty-nester” (and honestly this scares me more than just a little bit).
Then to top it off, with a weekend night-shift job in healthcare, I’ve felt perpetually fatigued. I struggled to complete my homework and internship hours.
Then graduation came & I suddenly found myself with some extra time on my hands….
…And now its about 1.5 months since graduation & I’m finally ready to start my new career. The hard work was worth it, & I look forward to a new chapter. Many of those life-goals on the back burner can now receive the focus of my full attention. In addition to losing weight & cultivating a stronger spiritual fondation, I am wanting to indulge in my creative energies, by doing some fun things with this blog….
But here’s my problem. I am conflicted with two seemingly contradictory concerns that leave me unsure of how to proceed….
On the one hand, I hope to live my life from a place of authenticity rather than shame.
As a bullied and ostracized child, I responded to the daily peer abuse by becoming very reclusive and introverted. I would go days without saying more than a few words from people. At school this might be an “excuse me”. At home it might be a “pass the salt”. Nobody knew I was in pain since I held it in. Nobody had concern for me because I did as I was told and never got in trouble. As life moved forward, this relational pattern has remained with me. I have difficulty opening up to others and have few if any friends.
You see, as I may have mentioned, this blog has helped me to “get unstuck”. When I started this blog, I promised myself to stick with it, and not let fear and shame take over. So therefore, I decided to opt with radical honesty & live authentically. When I created this blog, I laid things all out there. I have been very honest, (sometimes to a fault).
On the other hand, I don’t want my brutal honesty to harm anybody.
I am needing to carefully reconsider this decision to opt for radical honesty. I am a newbie mental health therapist. While the ACA does state that there are many benefits to blogging, you need to progress with caution. The following quote comes from the onlinetherapyinstitute.org and leaves me with much to consider as I progress forward:
…And then there are significant others in my life. I need to balance a need to tell my story, with my concern for others. For the majority of my life, I’ve felt like that kid in the “Emperor Has No Clothes Fable” who gets in trouble for asking why the king is naked. The truth of my life and experiences, have been unspeakable to others. I was going through hell, and struggling to keep going, but nobody wants to hear it so I held it all in and blamed myself. By speaking the truth of my life experiences, I feel I’m reclaiming my power back. It is a way of saying “this is my story” & your opinions are irrelevant in my need for validation. However, if I tell my story, it could hurt others….
Do I keep quiet to protect others? If I do, it will be at my own continued expense…
Or do I tell my story so I can heal, and risk hurting others?