I’m a reformed fuck-up

The “Art” of Failure…


In my career counseling course, I had an assignment which required me to review my career path. While I’m glad to have finally “landed in the right direction”, finding my way to here has taken some time. I end up with a bachelors in the social sciences after making a decision on this major, midway through my third year. I graduated, with no marketable skill or career experience, and landed in a slew of dead-end clerical jobs. With marriage and kids came the need to find a job that worked around my husband’s schedule. We were financially strapped in these early years after a series of hospitalizations due to my son’s illnesses…


Stages of Change…

imageThat Nike commercial that tells us “Just Do It!”, irks the hell out of me. While intended as an inspirational message of empowerment, it misses the mark on how to create and sustain lasting change. As I’ve come to realize (both professionally and personally) change is a process that takes time. When I reflect on my own steady progression of growth thru life, two resources seem to describe this journey well. The first is the transtheoretical stages of change model which addresses feelings of ambivalence toward change..In this post I intend to discuss the process of change from two unique standpoints. One perspective will provide a theoretical overview of the stages of change from those in the helping professions. Another perspective will be a first-hand accounting of my experiences in a past relationship. .


Shit Job

…Assigned as a “safety advocate”, my job is to prevent another fall. I gently placed her legs back in bed and straightened her sheets. She responds with a series of punches and kicks.

 “Maggie, don’t do that, I’m just trying to help.”

“Go to hell!” She screeches, while picking at her I.V.

Grabbing hold of her hands so she’s unable to pull out her lines, I remind her:  “Don’t do that or you’ll bleed.”

While covering them up with kerlix, I divert her attention to what’s playing on t.v.  A look of disgust forms on her face as she responds, “You know what, you’re a f*cking idiot….”


Collateral Damage


In the aftermath of the “it years”, my family and I have had to work hard to recover from the experience.  I was hurting, they were too.  As years past, we put the experience behind us and moved forward….

….Many years later, as a happily married woman I re-entered therapy. I was considering a return to school to switch careers.  My youngest was in 1st grade and I finally had some time to myself.  As a result of therapy, I’ve struggled with blame, resentment, shame & guilt.


accepting responsibility: shame, blame, guilt & resentment…

imageAbout three weeks ago I started the final segment of my educational journey: the internship.   In a series of three classes I have to complete a minimum of 700 hours over the course of approximately ten months. This will require a 60+ hour work week for almost a year.  I will continue to work full-time as a weekend night shift CNA in a float pool for large hospital system.  I will be adding 20+ hours of unpaid work as an intern at an inpatient treatment facility for recovering addicts.   As a wife and mother, this means I’m literally spending most of my waking hours in the service of others.


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